Joke of the Day --Perpetual

[GNW]

A 75 year old woman was looking through her cedar chest when she discovered some lingerie from her wedding night. She decides to surprise her husband of 50 years by putting it on. So she puts on the sexy lingerie and walks downstairs where her husband is watching tv. He looks at her with surprise and says "what are you doing wearing that?" and she replies "Do you remember our wedding night? You said you were going to suck the life outta my tits and screw my by brains out!" He looks her up and down for a moment and replies "yes, I remember that! Mission accomplished!"

Now that's funny right there !!

[Steve 0080]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baDJ-ZIvYy0










https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2Wx2zcdd-4

[DMAGOLDRDR]

A guy answers a Motorcycle for sale add....

I like the color and see it has low mileage. I am very interested, how low can you go on it.

The seller responds.. about 2 mph, any lower and it will fall over.

[Steve 0080]

A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant

When this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table,

Gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss,

Then says she'll see him later

And walks away.




The wife glares at her husband and says,



"Who the hell was that?"



"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."



"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife,


"I've had enough, I want a divorce!"


"I can understand that," replies her husband



"but remember,

If we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris ,

no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany ,

No more BMW in the garage

and no more yacht club.



But the decision is yours."



Just then,

A mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.



"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.



"That's his mistress," says her husband.




"Ours is prettier," she replies...

[pickensace]

A guy from SC moved to Texas and bought a 120 acre farm.

A few Days later he is in the local Walmart and boastfully tells the cashier he has just moved from SC and bought a 120 acre farm.

About that time a big Texan in a cowboy hat taps the guy on the shoulder and boastfully says "Boy, you're Texas now and and we don't call them farms we call them Ranches and I can get in my truck at sunup and still be driving on my property at sundown."

The guy behind him taps him on the shoulder and says "I have a truck just like that."

Takes a minute for some to get it.

[Steve 0080]

A midget from Texas was experiencing constant pain in his crotch area, so he went to the doctor and told him about his problem.
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants.
The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.
“Hmm…” mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.
“Aha!” said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors.
Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side… then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.
The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.
The doctor said, “How does that feel now?” The midget replied, “Perfect Doc, and I didnt feel a thing. What did you do?”
The doctor replied “I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.”

[ths61]

[BIGLRY]

Hehe, As my dear old dad told me when I first started working.
"As long as everyone keeps working I'll keep getting my SS check each month, so everyone of you working 9 to 5 guys keep up the good job you are doing, it supports me in my old age."

[ths61]

Hehe, As my dear old dad told me when I first started working.
"As long as everyone keeps working I'll keep getting my SS check each month, so everyone of you working 9 to 5 guys keep up the good job you are doing, it supports me in my old age."

Unfortunately, Bernie Madoff is the only one serving jail time for perpetuating the ponzi scheme, but then again, he screwed the uber rich, not the average Joe.

[BIGLRY]

Unfortunately, Bernie Madoff is the only one serving jail time for perpetuating the ponzi scheme, but then again, he screwed the uber rich, not the average Joe.

Yeap....very true.