fast thinker..
The man was walking down the street, desperately looking for work, when all of a sudden he notices a help wanted sign in the Winn Dixie store window. Since he has good past experience for many years, earned employee of the month many times, and is just an all around great guy, he struts on in and tries his luck.
After straightening his clothes and combing his hair, he walks in and asks for the manager. After explaining his plight, the manager/ store owner says, " this store has been in my family for 3 generations. We pride ourselves for giving excellent service to our very devoted customers. It is of utmost importance that you understand this. No matter what they want, we try to oblige"! The owner asks can you handle that? The possible new hire says "yes indeed". With that the store owns says, " I will give you a try for just one day. We don't let just anyone work here. You have to be quick of foot and mind, always looking for ways to please our clientele. I'll pay you cash at the end of your shift and then we can see if you fit in. With that, he shows the new guy the produce section. The newby immediately knows what to do and gets busy. The owner is quite pleased as he glances over with an approving smile. Well it was not long before a customer walks in. As fortune would have it, he notices the new employee. With a snicker under his breath he goes up to the new hire and asks for half an onion. The new guy, taken-aback by such a strange request, remembers his instructions and proceeds to wait on his first customer. With the humblest of voice and demeanor, he explains that onions are sold by the pound. They go back and forth a few times, but each volley only upsets the customer more. It is also grating on the newbys last nerve!! At this moment the customer get quite testy and demands a half of onion. The new guy, completely flummoxed by this idiotic request, sucks it up and explains he is new there & will need to ask his boss what he should do. The poor new guy felt like it was a possibility the customer was yanking his chain, but needing the job ----oh so bad--- he excused himself and said he would be right back.
Mr. new guy walks around to the next isle and there his boss stands seemingly unaware of whats happening. By now the new guy is exasperated because he tried several times to explain how produce is purchased. He can not believe that some one could be such a dolt. Non-the-less... wrangling as much composure as he could he approached the boss. He says ( bitting his tongue ) , Hey boss there is some freaking idiot on the next isle that wants to buy half an onion. No sooner the words left his mouth that his boss face turns BEET RED! The new guy sees out of the corner of his eye, the customer standing right there, and knows he had to have heard what he told his boss. Immediately, knowing he would get fired on the spot, he had to think fast. So he says to his boss so the customer can hear... " OH AND BY THE WAY, THIS NICE GENTLEMAN WANTS TO BUY THE OTHER HALF!!!!
Well the boss realizing that this new guy is indeed sharp and that he saved the day was most impressed. Everything worked out great. Then later in the day the boss says come see me in the office before closing. I am going give you off early with a $20.00 bonus. That man was one of our best customers.
So here they are at beer-oclock. Both the newby and store owner were pleased the day worked out better than the first few terrifying minutes.
So they are talking, both relaxed and the newby is saying to himself.... man that was close. About that time the boss says, " ya know you are one fast thinker. I could use your skills here are you still interested"? Newby says sure, can I start tomorrow. It will be nice to eat more than rice and drink water! The boss so grateful at his find, gives the guy $100.00 bill. The boss says, " listen, i know what its like to be down on your luck. BTW, can I ask you a question. I notice you have an accent. Are you from Texas"? MAN-OH-MAN... the poor newby just can not catch a break. Seems every one is out to ruffle his feathers. He tries to hold back .... but the words come out........he says to the boss.... "TEXAS, TEXAS... ONLY WHORES AND FOOTBALL PLAYERS COME FROM TEXAS!!
He knows the beet red look on the boss face and figures he has stepped in it yet again. The boss screams back, yanks the hundred out of his hand and says....
"WHAT DID YOU SAY, WHORES AND FOOTBALL PLAYERS???? MY WIFE IS FROM TEXAS!!!! BY now the new employee sure that his ass is grass... clears his throat and kinda chuckles.... with great confidence & calmness.... he says, What position was you wife on the ladies football team... while grabbing the 100 back !!!
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Originally Posted by willtill
