Funny stuff Will.
Funny stuff Will.
An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course & heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house. As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $18.50
HAND JOB: $250.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar & beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. “Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help?"
The old golfer leans over the bar & whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?” She looks into his wrinkled eyes & with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I sure am.”
The old golfer leans in even closer & into her left ear
says softly: “Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger.”
21 years Army (retired)
...been everywhere, seen everything, done almost everything.
IBA 80537
The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper,
Guido,
Has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00
His bookkeeper is deaf.
That was the reason he got the job
In the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would
Not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing
$10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer,
"Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido,
Where's the money?
Guido signs back,
"I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know
What you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol,
Puts it to Guido's head and says,
"Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido,
"He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs,
"OK! You win!
The money is in a brown
Briefcase, buried behind the shed
At my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer,
"What did he say?"
The lawyer replies,
"He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Don't you just love lawyers?
" Truth is often deemed rude, blunt and to the point which is why so few make their friend " Freddy Hayler ..352-267-1553 Sanford, FLA Gutterman6000@Gmail.com
Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman,
'Isn't that Trump and Cruz sitting over
there?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'
So the guy walks over and says,
'Wow, this is a real honor!
What are you
guys doing in here?'
Cruz says,
'We're planning WW III.'
The guy says, 'Really?
What's going to
Happen?'
Trump says,
'Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims
And
One blonde
With BIG tits.'
The guy exclaimed,
'A blonde with Big tits?
Why kill a blonde with Big Tits?'
Trump turns to Cruz and says,
DONALD-TRUMP.jpg
'See,.....
I told you,....
No one gives a Crap
about
The
140 million
Muslims.’
" Truth is often deemed rude, blunt and to the point which is why so few make their friend " Freddy Hayler ..352-267-1553 Sanford, FLA Gutterman6000@Gmail.com
^^^
Hee hee!
21 years Army (retired)
...been everywhere, seen everything, done almost everything.
IBA 80537
"A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2014 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bull-shittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . You started it . . . . “
" Truth is often deemed rude, blunt and to the point which is why so few make their friend " Freddy Hayler ..352-267-1553 Sanford, FLA Gutterman6000@Gmail.com
OK a few in bad taste [and I love my wife and have a terriffic marriage!]:
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her name's Kathy.
Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
WARNING!!! IF YOU GET AN EMAIL TITLED, "NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON", DON'T OPEN IT. IT CONTAINS A nude photo of Hillary Clinton.
Originally Posted by Steve 0080
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