Joke of the Day --Perpetual

[willtill]

So I'm at Wal-mart buying a bag of cat food for my cats. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a cat. Why else would I be buying cat food, RIGHT??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a cat, I was starting the cat food Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Meow Mix and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the cat food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a cat's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard....

Happy Thanksgiving ....and avoid cat food

[sabre85]

Little Johnny and dad are walking through the wood one day when they come upon two dogs humping. Little Johnny asks dad "What are they doing Dad?" Dad not wanting to go into the whole birds and the bees speech just then said "They're making puppies." Little Johnny accepts this and they go on and enjoy the walk.
A couple of days later Little Johnny walks in on mommy and daddy doin' the nasty and Little Johnny asks "Dad what are you doing to mommy?" Dad breathlessly says "We are making you a little sister" Little Johnny nods his head and turns to leave the room, stops and looks back and says "Dad turn her over- I'd rather have a puppy"

[willtill]

A guy goes into the U.S. Postal Service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, " Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Disabled in your country's service!
Well, that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay. Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 AM every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, " If the work hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM , why don't you want me here until 10:00 AM?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you
coming in for that."

[Steve 0080]

http://www.mynews13.com/content/news...uties_say.html