Joke of the Day --Perpetual

[dickiedeals]

So, I was walking through the mall, and saw that there was a "Muslim Bookstore."
I was wondering what exactly was in a "Muslim Bookstore" so I went on in.

I was wandering around taking a look and the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.
I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele.

So I asked for a copy of the U.S. immigration policy book regarding Muslims.

The clerk said, "Fuck off, get out, and stay out!"

I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have that in paperback?"

I just saw this joke word for word on Face Book and "Ted Nugent" put his name to it as the author. I assure you I read it a month ago in a Biker Magazine with someone else s name attached..You'll notice I didn't sign it as mine.............Dickie

[Steve 0080]

A high school down in South Louisiana bayou country (Port Barre) was recently faced with a unique problem.

A number of the young girls were beginning to use lipstick, and would put it on in the privacy of the girls' bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lipstick lip prints covering the bathroom mirrors.

Every night, old Mr. Boudreaux, the maintenance man, would painstakingly remove all the lipstick . . . but then the next day . . . the girls would mess up the mirrors once again.

Finally the principal (my younger brother) decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there along with the female basketball coach and the maintenance man, Mr. Boudreaux. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the maintenance man who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean up the mirrors, the principal asked Mr. Boudreaux to show the girls how much effort was required to clean up the lipstick. So Mr. Boudreaux took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in one of the toilets, and then cleaned the mirrors thoroughly with it.

Since that day, there have been no lipstick lip prints on the mirrors.

There are teachers . . . and then there are true educators filled with ingenuity !!!

[dickiedeals]

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy - "$1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

[dickiedeals]

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47." Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."