Joke of the Day --Perpetual

[Milkmaster]

A young woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs . . a green spot on the inside of each.

"They won't wash off, they won't scrape off and they seem to be getting worse.”

The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back.

A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.

The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy. There's no problem. But, I'm wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?”

The woman stammers, "Why, yes, he is.”

"Tell him his earrings are not real gold."

[Mike]

A father walks in on his son masturbating. He yells at the boy: Stop it or you'll go blind!
To which the boy replies: "Dad I am over here!"

[Davidk]

Why can't dyslexic people tell jokes?

Because they always punch up the fuck line.

[F6Pilot]

The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand. He's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".

IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".

Boat Owner: "Yeah, that would be me. What would you like to know"?

[GNW]

The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand. He's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".

IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".

Boat Owner: "Yeah, that would be me. What would you like to know"?

[Davidk]

The king wanted to go fishing, and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours.

The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.

So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."

The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages.

He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."

So the king continued on his way. However, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist. Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting.

I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that... it will rain."

So the king hired the donkey. And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government. The practice is unbroken to this date.

Thus, the democrat party... and its symbol was born!

[Broken Hand]

Three people having fun in bed is a threesome.

Two people are a twosome.

The guy sitting alone in the corner is a handsome.

[Davidk]

My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed". I don't need you now! I don't need you now!" Guess who had to put the batteries in.

[TripleDuck]

Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.
Sally applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said: "I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, I voted twice for Obama, and once for Hillary."

She starts work in the morning .

[Brasco]

Ed and his wife Norma go to the state fair every year, and every year Ed would say, "Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter." Norma always replied, " I know Ed, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

The next year, Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed said,"Norma, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance." To this, Norma replied, "Ed, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."

Ed and Norma agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Ed and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Ed replied, "Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Norma fell out, but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"