Joke of the Day --Perpetual

[Steve 0080]

Just a thought.!

[shooter]

Dickie, I'm more concerned that you would have a Harley!

And I'm thinking , only one oil leak?

[Steve 0080]

Default Living in the South
THINGS I LEARNED LIVING IN THE SOUTH
A possum is a flat animal that
sleeps in the middle of the road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.

If it grows, it'll stick ya.
If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart,
it is a buggy!

Jawl-P? means, Did you all go
to the bathroom?

People actually grow,eat
and like okra.

Fixinto is one word. It means
I'm going to do that.

There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do
like a little tea with our sugar.
It is referred to as
the Wine of the South.

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'

You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.

You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for
local high school sports,
the motor sports, and gossip.

Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss(first name) or
Mr.(first name)

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You know what a hissy fit is..

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no dang
Driver's Ed. If our mama says
we can drive, we can drive!!!

You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.



Michael...

[Steve 0080]

A Water Bearer in India had two large pots;
Each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.

One of the pots had a small crack in it,
And while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house,
The cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the Water Bearer one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself and I want to apologize to you."

Why, asked the bearer? "What are you ashamed of?"
I have been able for these past two years to deliver only half my load of water
Because of this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house.
Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work and you don't get full value from your efforts, the pot said.

The Water Bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot and in his compassion he said,
"As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path".

Indeed, as they went up the hill the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful flowers along the path and this cheered it some.
But at the end of the trail it still felt bad because it had leaked out half of its load and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot,
Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path but not the other pot's side?

That's because I have always known about your flaw and I took advantage of it.

I planted flower seeds on your side of the path and every day while we walk back from the stream you've watered them.

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table.

Without you being just the way you are he would not have this beauty to grace his home.

Each of us has our own unique flaws.

We are all cracked pots.

But if we will allow it, the Lord will use our flaws to grace his Father's table.

In God's great economy, nothing goes to waste.

So as we seek ways to minister together and as God calls you to the tasks.

He has appointed for you, don't be afraid of your flaws.

Acknowledge them and allow Him to take advantage of them and you too can be the cause of beauty in His pathway.

Go out boldly,
knowing that in our weakness we find His strength
And that

"In Him everyone of God's promises is a Yes".

[Greg_N]

Blondies also know wery vell geography ;-)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cey35bBWXls

[willtill]

I've always liked this one. Not a joke per say; but more of humorous misunderstanding of the male; of the species:

[Steve 0080]

Kinda true today... with all the free money out there.....

[willtill]

Kinda true today... with all the free money out there.....

OMG!

[junkyarddog]

why do blondes like tilt steering wheels?
more head room

[dickiedeals]

So, I was walking through the mall, and saw that there was a "Muslim Bookstore."
I was wondering what exactly was in a "Muslim Bookstore" so I went on in.

I was wandering around taking a look and the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.
I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele.

So I asked for a copy of the U.S. immigration policy book regarding Muslims.

The clerk said, "Fuck off, get out, and stay out!"

I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have that in paperback?"