Joke of the Day --Perpetual

[dickiedeals]

Christian school... in class... Sally is asleep
The teacher turns to the class and see's Sally asleep on her desk...

She asks the class "who created the heavens and earth in 7 days?, Sally?"

Johnny jabbed his pencil in Sally's Ass,... she screamed out "God almighty!"

The teacher was surprised she was listening... a few minutes later she asked the class "who sacrificed themselves on the cross for our sins?,Sally?"

Sally once again Asleep, Johnny stuck his pencil in her ass harder this time. She cried out "Jesus Christ!"

Again the teacher was surprised... The teacher then asked the class "what did Eve say to Adam after there 2800000th child?"

No one answered... so Johnny shoved the pencil right up Sally's ass,she stood up and screamed "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm gonna snap it in half!!!"

[dickiedeals]

AIRLINE FOOD - A TRUE STORY?

Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening Aer Lingus flight from ​ Dublin, the lead flight attendant for the cabin crew in her lovely Irish brogue​ nervously made the following painful announcement..."Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up -- one minute prior to take-off by our airport catering service ... I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals ... I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued... "So, anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight."

Her next announcement came four hours ​ later ... "If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."


GOD BLESS THE IRISH!

[waynerock66]

[Steve 0080]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baDJ-ZIvYy0










https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2Wx2zcdd-4

[DMAGOLDRDR]

A guy answers a Motorcycle for sale add....

I like the color and see it has low mileage. I am very interested, how low can you go on it.

The seller responds.. about 2 mph, any lower and it will fall over.

[Steve 0080]

A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant

When this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table,

Gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss,

Then says she'll see him later

And walks away.




The wife glares at her husband and says,



"Who the hell was that?"



"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."



"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife,


"I've had enough, I want a divorce!"


"I can understand that," replies her husband



"but remember,

If we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris ,

no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany ,

No more BMW in the garage

and no more yacht club.



But the decision is yours."



Just then,

A mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.



"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.



"That's his mistress," says her husband.




"Ours is prettier," she replies...

[pickensace]

A guy from SC moved to Texas and bought a 120 acre farm.

A few Days later he is in the local Walmart and boastfully tells the cashier he has just moved from SC and bought a 120 acre farm.

About that time a big Texan in a cowboy hat taps the guy on the shoulder and boastfully says "Boy, you're Texas now and and we don't call them farms we call them Ranches and I can get in my truck at sunup and still be driving on my property at sundown."

The guy behind him taps him on the shoulder and says "I have a truck just like that."

Takes a minute for some to get it.

[Steve 0080]

A midget from Texas was experiencing constant pain in his crotch area, so he went to the doctor and told him about his problem.
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants.
The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.
“Hmm…” mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.
“Aha!” said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors.
Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side… then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.
The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.
The doctor said, “How does that feel now?” The midget replied, “Perfect Doc, and I didnt feel a thing. What did you do?”
The doctor replied “I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.”