Joke of the Day --Perpetual

[dickiedeals]

Two tall trees, a Birch and a Beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. The Beech says to the Birch: "Is that a son of a Beech or a son of a Birch?"
The Birch says it cannot tell. Just then a Woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The Birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a Beech or a son of a Birch?"
The Woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies: "It is neither a son of a Beech nor a son of a Birch. It is, however, the best piece of Ash I have ever put my pecker in!" Come on Guys and Girls Surely someone else has Jokes!

[Steve 0080]

Well Dickie, you may be the king of jokes !!!

[dickiedeals]

Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.
"Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"
"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"
The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?" With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

[dickiedeals]

Well Dickie, you may be the king of jokes !!!

What is the difference between a golf ball and the G-spot?
Ans: A man will spend 20 minutes looking for his golf ball.

[tonycarver]

a nurse goes out with her friends for dinner. all goes well until the end of the meal when they all get their separate checks .......since they're all paying by credit card, pens are in a bit of a shortage.
the nurse chimes in and says I have one in my purse, hang on." she reaches into her purse and pulls out a rectal thermometer...looking somewhat surprised she pipes up and says "aw shit...some ASSHOLE has my pen!"

[tonycarver]

supposedly a REAL call

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0nRvqfiqZI

[MarcPW]

Attachment 17261

[dickiedeals]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???' She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

[dickiedeals]

85-year-old Biker Bob was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow. ’

The next day Bob reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the old biker explained, 'Well you see, doc, it’s like this. “First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my old lady for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. 'We even called up Sally, the Gal next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.’ The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

Bob replied, 'Yep, none of us could get that damn jar open.’

[Jayrock]

I think we need to re-name this thread "dickiedeals joke of the day" He's killing it on a regular basis!