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Westernbiker
05-16-2014, 10:36 AM
If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no women around to hear him, is he still wrong? :icon_doh:



A drunk was sitting in a bar looking at three small brown pellets in his hand. The bartender asked what they were, and the drunk replied "They are brain pills...they make you smart."
The bartender says excitedly, "Give me one." He snatches one from the drunks hand, and gulps it quickly down with water. In a few minutes he comes back over to the drunk and says he doesn't feel any smarter.
"You probably didn't take enough." So the bartender quickly gulps down another one.
Half an hour later the bartender asks for a third pill. This one he looks at with more care. He sniffs it, and tastes it slowly. "Why, this is nothing but sheep manure!"
"See," says the drunk, "you're getting smarter already." :biggthumpup:



One Sunday morning Joe burst into the living room and said, "Dad, Mom, I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.
After dinner, Joe's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you.. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."
Joe was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said yes! We are getting married in June."
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, Joe, I am very sorry about this."
Joe was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news.
"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I am never going to get married", he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."
His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father." :yikes:




Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and leave them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it! He says, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup." :041:





Why don't witches wear panties?
So they can get a better grip on the broom. :shock:





What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?
If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish. :icon_mrgreen:




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1qHVVbYG8Y&feature=player_embedded