I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said “I haven't eaten for two days. I told him, "I wish I had your will power.”
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said, “sorry about the wait”. I said, “Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually”.
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said, “Any Change?” I said, “Nope, you're still black”.
Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, “fat chance, with a face like that!”
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself, “I'm going to take that.”
I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the right answer.
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