Arnold Swartzeneger and Sylvester Stallone are making a movie about the lives of the great composers.
Stallone says "I want to be Mozart."
Swartzeneger says: "In that case... I'll be Bach."
Dirty Johnny's father walks into the bathroom and catches him jerking off.
He says, "Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby."
The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again.
Johnny says, "Bow your head, Pop. Can't you see we're having a funeral?"
The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help.
"My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop.
"The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?"
"I recognized the laugh!" he replied.
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual,
"I have a headache."
"Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,... it's up to you!"
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