Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation
during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The first lady was an
arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a
well-mannered elderly woman from the South.
When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the
California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my
husband built a beautiful mansion for me."
The lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband
bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."
Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."
The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was
born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.”
Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, bless your heart."
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy
for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.
"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my God! What on earth for?"
The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying,
"Who gives a shit?" I learned to say, "Well, bless your heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Irish Reflection
After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an
old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin. In one of the
stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen
a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.
'How 'bout that! he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of me Fadder!!'
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the
way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it
in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would
go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So,
one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the
mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch
he's running around with.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Irish Logic
Mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law,
Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What
happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to me
wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get
home... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, me wife Jean,
naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed!
This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I am leaving forever.
"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There
is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a
thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her
immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "Paddy,
I told you there must be a simple explanation... she never got your
email."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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