Joke of the Day --Perpetual

[LacoocheeBoy]

Keep them comin my friend...

[stroguy]

Sweet

[Steve 0080]

Still laughing....

[InvictusF6B]

Grinin form ear to ear

[junkyarddog]

why do blondes like tilt steering wheels?
more head room

[dickiedeals]

85-year-old Biker Bob was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow. ’

The next day Bob reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the old biker explained, 'Well you see, doc, it’s like this. “First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my old lady for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. 'We even called up Sally, the Gal next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.’ The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

Bob replied, 'Yep, none of us could get that damn jar open.’

[Jayrock]

I think we need to re-name this thread "dickiedeals joke of the day" He's killing it on a regular basis!

[dickiedeals]

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.



One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff



The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"



The Master Chief answered, "Why yes. I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."



The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.



The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear."



The Admiral threw him out also.



The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question.



"Do you notice anything different about me?"



To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes. You wear contact lenses."



The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.



The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one frickin' ear."

[Steve 0080]

WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST ?

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, - 'When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?

Suzy raised her hand and said, - 'I think it's your hands.'

'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'

Suzy replied, - 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.

'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said - 'Sister, I think it's your feet.

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. - 'Now Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'

Little Johnny said, - 'Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh God, I'm coming'. I gotta tell you, if Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her.'

The Nun fainted...!!!

[Old Ryder]

During one of the congregation meeting the resurrection was the topic of discussion. The question was asked for one of the children to tell the congregation what the resurrection was. A little boy was called on and he said he knew that if you had one for 4 hours you had better call a doctor. AGAIN---a true story that brought down the house.