Joke of the Day --Perpetual

[dickiedeals]

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.



One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff



The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"



The Master Chief answered, "Why yes. I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."



The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.



The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear."



The Admiral threw him out also.



The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question.



"Do you notice anything different about me?"



To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes. You wear contact lenses."



The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.



The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one frickin' ear."

[dickiedeals]

A driver is stuck in a bad traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

The man says, "Terrorists have kidnapped congress, and are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?", the driver asks.

The man replies, "About a gallon each!"

[valkmc]

What did the blonde say when asked if her blinker was working

Yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no.................

[dickiedeals]

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned
a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was
properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe
courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to
go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been
there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to
bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices
shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of
young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence
and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him,
“We’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here
to watch you ladies swim naked or make you
get out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up he said,
“I’m here to feed the alligator…”

Some old men can still think fast!!

[Jayrock]

A police officer called into the station on his radio and said "I have an interesting case here, an old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped." The chief asked "Have you arrested her yet?" to which the officer replied "Nope floor is still wet"

[dickiedeals]

Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.
I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...phone rings,
but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although
when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home, but she always comes walking up the
drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving, around the corner, as if she has gotten out and walked the
rest of the way. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi at all?
I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it was. This caused her to go completely berserk.
She quickly snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should
never touch her personal property, then accused me of trying to spy on her.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know
the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going
to park my Harley Davidson LowRider next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good
view of the street around the corner when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my
Harley that I noticed a small amount of motor oil leaking through the gasket between the rear head
and rocker arm cover.
So...is this something I can easily repair myself or do you think I should take it back to the dealer?

[wjduke]

I'll be telling that one around here for sure!

[Ixol Phaane]

Never saw that one coming.

[dickiedeals]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”
Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.”
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”
The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

[Steve 0080]

Perfect and very true !!!!!