Joke of the Day --Perpetual

[dickiedeals]

So, I was walking through the mall, and saw that there was a "Muslim Bookstore."
I was wondering what exactly was in a "Muslim Bookstore" so I went on in.

I was wandering around taking a look and the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.
I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele.

So I asked for a copy of the U.S. immigration policy book regarding Muslims.

The clerk said, "Fuck off, get out, and stay out!"

I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have that in paperback?"

I just saw this joke word for word on Face Book and "Ted Nugent" put his name to it as the author. I assure you I read it a month ago in a Biker Magazine with someone else s name attached..You'll notice I didn't sign it as mine.............Dickie

[Steve 0080]

A high school down in South Louisiana bayou country (Port Barre) was recently faced with a unique problem.

A number of the young girls were beginning to use lipstick, and would put it on in the privacy of the girls' bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lipstick lip prints covering the bathroom mirrors.

Every night, old Mr. Boudreaux, the maintenance man, would painstakingly remove all the lipstick . . . but then the next day . . . the girls would mess up the mirrors once again.

Finally the principal (my younger brother) decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there along with the female basketball coach and the maintenance man, Mr. Boudreaux. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the maintenance man who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean up the mirrors, the principal asked Mr. Boudreaux to show the girls how much effort was required to clean up the lipstick. So Mr. Boudreaux took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in one of the toilets, and then cleaned the mirrors thoroughly with it.

Since that day, there have been no lipstick lip prints on the mirrors.

There are teachers . . . and then there are true educators filled with ingenuity !!!

[dickiedeals]

A driver is stuck in a bad traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

The man says, "Terrorists have kidnapped congress, and are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?", the driver asks.

The man replies, "About a gallon each!"

[valkmc]

What did the blonde say when asked if her blinker was working

Yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no.................

[dickiedeals]

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.



One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff



The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"



The Master Chief answered, "Why yes. I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."



The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.



The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear."



The Admiral threw him out also.



The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question.



"Do you notice anything different about me?"



To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes. You wear contact lenses."



The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.



The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one frickin' ear."

[Santa]

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are!

[Steve 0080]

WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST ?

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, - 'When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?

Suzy raised her hand and said, - 'I think it's your hands.'

'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'

Suzy replied, - 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.

'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said - 'Sister, I think it's your feet.

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. - 'Now Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'

Little Johnny said, - 'Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh God, I'm coming'. I gotta tell you, if Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her.'

The Nun fainted...!!!

[Old Ryder]

During one of the congregation meeting the resurrection was the topic of discussion. The question was asked for one of the children to tell the congregation what the resurrection was. A little boy was called on and he said he knew that if you had one for 4 hours you had better call a doctor. AGAIN---a true story that brought down the house.

[dickiedeals]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”
Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.”
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”
The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

[Steve 0080]

Perfect and very true !!!!!